This is difficult to write about, and difficult to put into words, but it’s something that really bothers me.
Feminists who are anti-bdsm really, really bother me. They want women to be equal to men, but they want to tell me what I choose to do in my private life is “wrong”. The fact that I’m submissive to someone during sex doesn’t mean that I believe any less in equality. I’ve known that I was submissive since I started thinking about sex. I used to feel guilty for it though, that it was some how wrong. If I want someone to spank/hit/choke me why is that any of your concern? Why is that any of your business?
Sure, bdsm is becoming more main stream, but why is it up to you to decide what makes a person feel sexually liberated? I’ve been in “vanilla” relationships before and I just don’t get turned on. But when I receive a text and it says “hi slut” and it turns me on there is nothing wrong with that as long as I’m willing and it’s allowed. No one else in the world can say that to me, because I have not given permission, and I would probably smack them.
He’s probably the most respectful man I have ever been with. He has never once made me feel guilty about my decisions or tried to pressure me into something I didn’t want to happen. He has never once made me feel badly about myself and I’ve never met someone that I felt so secure with.
That’s what bdsm is about, it’s a power exchange. It’s about trust, and it can turn badly very easily which is why trust is such an essential part, and why it’s so fucking important to choose your partners wisely. You can’t and shouldn’t just give your permission to anyone, and I never have.
It’s a consensual relationship, I like being hurt and he likes hurting me. I don’t see how that is wrong. I am willing as is he. We have a safe word, and there have been times where just simply the way I have said “no” has stopped the entire scene. Without trust you have nothing.
If feminism is about women being equal then who is anyone to say that the type of sex I have is wrong? There are *always* people willing to take advantage of another person, which is why you always have to be careful.
I like pain, I like it when he calls me a slut, I like being degraded by him. But guess what? If I was ever uncomfortable with anything it wouldn’t happen or it would be stopped. I trust him. I trust him more than anyone else in the world. He’s not out to seriously hurt me, and he doesn’t hurt me out of anger.
It’s so easy to dismiss something and not have any understanding of it because you yourself would never participate in it. I don’t participate in a lot of things, but it doesn’t mean I think it’s wrong for other people to do.
As long as someone isn’t breaking any laws and all parties are consenting mind your own fucking business when it comes to someone else’s sexuality.
Edit: If any one has legitimate questions on BDSM, then feel free to message me, I will privately explain anything you would like. I know there is a lot of misunderstanding. If you are a porn blog/looking to get off I will delete it and block you.